Category Archives: Philanthropy

Villains as Teachers of Heroes

JhiteYou know, most of the time you would not think of an evil super villain as a teacher. The image of a crazy-haired, wild-eyed, lab coat-wearing, super laser-wielding person at the front of a classroom full of quivering, crying, simpering little children might not be what you think of being the best idea. I can understand that. But you have to understand that we really do have a lot of knowledge to impart. We are (as a group) probably the top 5% of the brain power in the world.

Maybe you could see us more in a university setting. I mean really who didn’t have the crazy professors in college. Like the one who was too tall, and so had to lean to one side to write on the board and spent half of his time writing on the board and half of his time fixing his comb over. That right there taught you a valuable lesson. Not only did you spend most of your time in class trying to figure out the physics behind his combover, but you learned that if you are going to have a comb over and if you are really tall, you should lean the other way so gravity keeps it in place rather than pulling it down.

The point is that we have a lot of information that we can share with the world. That is after all why we got the best and brightest of the Super Villains to come out of their lairs to give us their secrets. Well at least some of their secrets.

One thing that was neglected in our book, and that I will talk about now is what we can teach the heroes. Yes, that is right I said the heroes. What, you think aMttM-aGttSE_finalbecause they are heroes they don’t have anything to learn from us? Well let me set the record straight. There are things that only a villain can teach to a hero, super or otherwise.

You still don’t believe me I am sure. That is of course the problem. Our reputation as evil-doers tends to put a note of untruth into everything we do, even when we are trying to be helpful.

Let me take a famous example. Superman. And I am not talking about that modern “Man of Steel” version. I am talking about the real Superman. He has only one weakness, kryptonite, right? Wrong. That is what he thought too. He thought that he was invulnerable, that nothing could hurt him. That was until his dad died. Yup I am going right for the jugular here. He discovered that with all of his powers some times there are things that you just can’t fix. And his weakness is the frail human people around him. Of course he didn’t really learn this until a super villain taught it to him.

Superman had two rules. Don’t fall in love with a human, and don’t mess with time, and because of one human, one weakness, he did both. And who taught him his lesson? Lex Luthor, a villain.

super-hero-gray-md[1]That is the way it is. We villains have lessons to teach the heroes. They are not lessons they can learn on their own, because they are lessons they don’t want to learn. LIke the weaknesses that they didn’t know they had. Most villains know that a hero, a true hero will protect the population even if that means letting the bad guy get away. Some times heroes don’t even understand that themselves until the first time you let a reanimated, rampaging, tyrannosaurus shark hybrid wander the downtown streets of their favorite city so that you and your henchmen have time to get away. It is not until they have figured out the only way to defeat the tyrannosaurus shark hybrid is to first drown the dino part in water and then drown the shark part in air that they figure out that you have escaped, and that they have a new weakness.

Sometimes the lessons that you have to teach them is that they are not really a hero after all. Some Heroes are really just villains wait to be discovered on the villain circuit. Not that there is a villain circuit mind you. You heroes reading this just put that notion out of your head. Where was I, yes heroes being villains.

Sometimes it take something to trigger the villain in them, some extreme event. The problem with this is that once they have figured out that they are a villain, you need to either make sure very quickly that they understand that you are on their side now. Or that you run like crazy because if you were the one that set them off down this path, a super hero turned super villain can be mighty, um bad for your health if you know what I mean. super_hero1[1]

Most of the time the lessons that we need to teach heroes are not the kinds of lessons you can learn in any school. They are the, look very hard in the mirror and see what I see, instead of what you want to see, kinds of things. Take the red cape, the magic lasso, the utility belt, the odd colored light away from the hero and who are they? Some of them discover things that they didn’t want to know about themselves. Some of them discover that they are not so powerful after all, and some of them, even discover that they don’t like what they see.

That last one is pretty common. There is a pretty thin line between being noble and good, and fighting for what is right, when the going gets really tough, and just burning down entire city blocks so that you can root out one so called bad guy. Who is the bad guy then?

In the end being a hero can be as dark a business as being a villain, and most heroes don’t understand that. It is a lesson that we as super villains need to teach them.

I could go on, but you likely get the point. We villains really do have things to teach the world. Some times those things are that we should rule the world, and some times we are more altruistic, and have things to teach you about yourself and those pesky heroes.

What more Advice from the Super Villains? Check out A Method To the Madness: A Guide To the Super Evil


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The Evil Art Of Getting Back to The Basics

sheepOne of the Topics that we only partially covered in A Method To the Madness: A Guide To the Super Evil is that of starting over again when you fail, get defeated decide to take a different route, want to, can be therapeutic. Not to mention the lessons that can be learned.

I recently suffered set back with some of my minions decided to take stock in my situation in regards to those in my employ and get back to some basics. There is nothing like getting back to the very basics of basics to remind you of how it is done.

So Minions / henchmen / Sheep.

Yes, that is right, Sheep. You know some times you really have to get back to basics. I am not saying that everyone should always go this far but some times you need to go back to the beginning.

I am not saying that our undersea lab sprung a major leak do to um outside pressure and that on the same day out orbital space platform lost power because someone ripped the solar panels off, and who knew that the insurance companies don’t cover things like that on your home owners insurance, and that we were forced to return to our pedestrian home like everyone else and plant a garden and raise sheep as part of a farming collective to keep costs down. I am not saying any of those things. What I am saying is that herding sheep can be a good way to remind yourself of the basics of dealing with minions.

Some times you need to give them a good swat to get them to go where you want, some times you need a watch dog or a sheep dog to help keep them in line, and sometimes you need to just release a wolf into the fold and just let him have at the stupid sheep… I mean some times you need to stop shearing one of them and have lamb chops for dinner.

Sometimes you just need to sit down and take stock of where you are. You need listen to the advice of others. You need to read a good book like, Oh I don’t know, A Method To the Madness: A Guide To The Super Evil to figure out where you went wrong.

Enough with the advice, I have sheep to herd.
The (recently relocated) Dark Lord


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5 Reasons to Write an Essay for The Mad Scientist Anthology

Greetings all you  lackeys minions underlings pitiful people running around with your pitiful little lives wonderful people, the Dark Lord Hite  here.  With just shy of two months to get your submissions in to the Mad Scientist Anthology I realized that some of you might be a little hesitant to submit your good advice to those up and coming.  And you have good reason not to.  I mean they are your rivals, or future rivals.  Then again with the way some of you are going, they might very soon be your betters, but why bring that up now.

Right now I want to give you some good reasons why you might want to share your advice with the up and coming super villian, evil doctor, or mad scientist.  In fact, I want to give you five good reasons to do so.

1.  Succession.  No one likes to think about it but eventually it will be time to hand the vast amounts of power that you have accumulated over a (or maybe several) lifetime(s) down to a worthy successor.  Your cloning / cryogenics / life extending drugs are working out great, but at some point you will be ready to give it all up.  There are only so many worlds you can conquer so many peoples you can oppress (if you are into that) so many baths you can take, only so many cups of tea you can drink.  And let’s face it, as evil as insulting everyone in the universe in alphabetical order is, it is has been done!

But, you say, I had already planned to hand my power over to Joe the minion.   As much as you really like Joe the minion is he really ruler of the known universe material.  I mean sure he has been with you from day one, sure you gave his daughter away at the wedding, you gave him everything he has.  He might even be expecting you to hand power over to him.  He may even be like a son to you.  But there is a problem with sons, they don’t always live up to their fathers expectations.  Take a moment now, look at Joe. Look deep into his eyes.  Is he really the one you want to hand the universe over to?  Now think about it.  Think about the greatest emperors of Rome.  Sure their empire is tiny (or huge as the case may be) compared to yours but,  did they hand power over to their sons?  No, they looked around and found the best possible successor, trained them, brought them up right, made sure they had every tool they needed, (some tips and tricks from above hint, hint, hint.)  And let me tell you when they did hand power over to their sons it was never pretty, think Nero, Commodus, Little Boots  Caligula. (giggle snort, his name means little boots.  Like the ones your mother knitted.  I will remember that forever.  I must remember to write an article about how you have to be careful about nicknames.)

2.   Philanthropy.  Let’s face it no one really likes a dark overlord of the universe. They may grovel at your feet, beg for your forgiveness, you might even get a smile or two. But when your back is turned, or as soon as you are out of sight or earshot it is totally different story.  But if you give to those in need, if you build roads for them, if you are seen occasionally dishing out bowls of soup at the kitchen (even if it was your stupid brother wearing a mask) people will have a harder time cursing your name.  Not impossible mind you, but it will be harder for them to swear revenge on the guy who just put a roof over their head or gave them the plans for the space laser they have always wanted.  Sometimes you can get a few flies caught in the honey that you set out to use in your experiments.  I mean, well never mind.

3.  Your Good Name.  You only have one reputation, you need to protect it.  As a famous pirate once said, “Once word gets out that you are going soft, it is just work, work, work all the time.”  Unfortunately the rumor mill can be your worst enemy, and by mere association with those that hold a similar title as you, it can sully your reputation.  It is like getting in a fight and getting a black eye.  You might have won the fight, you might have even won decisively, though I kind of doubt that is the case, but you still walk away with a black eye.

The same can be said if those lesser villains get their lunches handed to them on steel trays now.

That was a Mad scientist, they will say.  Wasn’t our overlord of the universe a mad scientist at one time?  How come he was never put in jail? How come he is free to roam the world?  Maybe he should be behind bars, they will say.  Is that what you really want?  No of course not.

So what do you do.  You give them some information.  When you see them getting ready to trip and fall on their face, help them out a little.  I am not saying give them all your secrets, but maybe enough to keep them out of jail and looking bad in the eye of the public.   Remind them to tie their shoes before they leave the house so to speak.

It can do a world of good for your good name.  Don’t let those bumbling idiots get caught by a hero, or for heaven sakes worse the regular police.  No get them up past that point.  Let them be a menace to society, and then CRUSH THEM YOURSELF!  You would be surprise the good will that will get you.  See #2.

4.  Mentoring. If you take the time to mentor other villains you would be surprised what they will do for you.  A good mentor gives tools (for example articles to a book like A Method To The Madness: A Guide to The Super Evil) to help those under themselves.

If you are someone’s mentor you would be surprised what they might be willing to do for you.  Much more than running and getting you coffee, though that is always nice, but they will defend you, they will support you.  They might even take a bullet for you.  Sure your super armor most likely would have stopped it but really, why take that chance.  Besides Mentor are revered in the community, and if you don’t want to be hounded by the heros and the police every day you need to be thought highly of, at least until you are powerful enough that it no longer matters.  See #2 and #3.

Of course there is always the chance that the that this person you are mentoring will one day be a good successor.  See #1. And if you don’t want your sucessor to have to run around Rome scratching your name off monuments, you need to think of these things.

5.   Good Coffee. Really is there any better reason to anything than a good cup of coffee?  I am not saying that by writing an article that someone will bring you a good cup of coffee, but you never know.  Sometimes good advice can bring some surprise rewards.  You can even reward yourself for all of the above reasons with a good cup of coffee after you are done.

I sit here now finishing this looking over at my hot steaming mug and know it will be waiting for me.  Besides if you are nice to your underlings, those up and coming maybe they will invite you over to their house and give you a good cup of coffee, and you can learn where they keep their fresh roasted beans and break in later that night and steal them.  You are evil after all.

Or better yet after several up and coming villains have invited you over and served you their best, you will know who makes the best coffee, so that when you do take over, you know who to spare and put in your kitchen making your coffee.

So there you have five good reasons to write an article for The Mad Scientist Anthology.  Now, what are you waiting for?


Posted by on April 12, 2012 in  Mentoring, good reasons, Philanthropy, Succession


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