While we have not official stopped working together, let’s just say that he is currently running only essential programs attempting to locate a new power supply before his UPS’s run out.  

And that leads me to the topic of today.  I have heard it said that certain jobs require you to have a bit of an ego.  Fighter pilot, head chef, race car driver and to some extent the tech support guy.  But being an supervillain requires more ego than any of the rest of them.  That is why you so seldom hear of them teaming up, and why when they do team up it rarely works out.

Think about it.  If you don’t have a super ego, and I am not talking about the kind of super ego that wacky German guy was talking about, then how are you going to drive your minions?  What? You think that they are just going to do whatever you want because of that winning personality of yours?

Let me tell you something buddy, being a supervillain means spending a lot of nights alone in the lab, alone at the library, alone writing your manifesto.  And as much as you might at been voted most popular guy/girl/other in high school (though I certainly doubt that), all that time alone tends to cause your social skills to take a serious dip.  And while a few minions might have remained loyal to you just because you used to be a great guy, the majority of them are going to need a little bit more encouragement than that.

You have got to have a ego that fills the room when you walk in.  It needs to suck the air out of all those around, take the wind right out of their sails so that everyone is paying attention to you.  If you are working with someone who has an ego as big as your own - well you can see the trouble.  And this is where Alex I are right now.

Fortunately for him I value his services. And while I could have just smashed him to bits for his insolence at suggesting I bring him a cup of coffee, I have decided that I would just make life a little bit more difficult for him.  Don’t tell him, but if he starts getting too low on power, and he will apologize to me, and of course deletes all those world domination programs he has been writing on his own, I’ll more than likely plug him back in.

So if you are thinking of teaming up with another supervillain, it is important to figure out well in advance who it is who will rule the world before you begin.

Right now I want to give you some good reasons why you might want to share your advice with the up and coming super villian, evil doctor, or mad scientist.  In fact, I want to give you five good reasons to do so.

1.  Succession.  No one likes to think about it but eventually it will be time to hand the vast amounts of power that you have accumulated over a (or maybe several) lifetime(s) down to a worthy successor.  Your cloning / cryogenics / life extending drugs are working out great, but at some point you will be ready to give it all up.  There are only so many worlds you can conquer so many peoples you can oppress (if you are into that) so many baths you can take, only so many cups of tea you can drink.  And let’s face it, as evil as insulting everyone in the universe in alphabetical order is, it is has been done!

But, you say, I had already planned to hand my power over to Joe the minion.   As much as you really like Joe the minion is he really ruler of the known universe material.  I mean sure he has been with you from day one, sure you gave his daughter away at the wedding, you gave him everything he has.  He might even be expecting you to hand power over to him.  He may even be like a son to you.  But there is a problem with sons, they don’t always live up to their fathers expectations.  Take a moment now, look at Joe. Look deep into his eyes.  Is he really the one you want to hand the universe over to?  Now think about it.  Think about the greatest emperors of Rome.  Sure their empire is tiny (or huge as the case may be) compared to yours but,  did they hand power over to their sons?  No, they looked around and found the best possible successor, trained them, brought them up right, made sure they had every tool they needed, (some tips and tricks from above hint, hint, hint.)  And let me tell you when they did hand power over to their sons it was never pretty, think Nero, Commodus, Little Boots  Caligula. (giggle snort, his name means little boots.  Like the ones your mother knitted.  I will remember that forever.  I must remember to write an article about how you have to be careful about nicknames.)

2.   Philanthropy.  Let’s face it no one really likes a dark overlord of the universe. They may grovel at your feet, beg for your forgiveness, you might even get a smile or two. But when your back is turned, or as soon as you are out of sight or earshot it is totally different story.  But if you give to those in need, if you build roads for them, if you are seen occasionally dishing out bowls of soup at the kitchen (even if it was your stupid brother wearing a mask) people will have a harder time cursing your name.  Not impossible mind you, but it will be harder for them to swear revenge on the guy who just put a roof over their head or gave them the plans for the space laser they have always wanted.  Sometimes you can get a few flies caught in the honey that you set out to use in your experiments.  I mean, well never mind.

3.  Your Good Name.  You only have one reputation, you need to protect it.  As a famous pirate once said, “Once word gets out that you are going soft, it is just work, work, work all the time.”  Unfortunately the rumor mill can be your worst enemy, and by mere association with those that hold a similar title as you, it can sully your reputation.  It is like getting in a fight and getting a black eye.  You might have won the fight, you might have even won decisively, though I kind of doubt that is the case, but you still walk away with a black eye.

The same can be said if those lesser villains get their lunches handed to them on steel trays now.

That was a Mad scientist, they will say.  Wasn’t our overlord of the universe a mad scientist at one time?  How come he was never put in jail? How come he is free to roam the world?  Maybe he should be behind bars, they will say.  Is that what you really want?  No of course not.

So what do you do.  You give them some information.  When you see them getting ready to trip and fall on their face, help them out a little.  I am not saying give them all your secrets, but maybe enough to keep them out of jail and looking bad in the eye of the public.   Remind them to tie their shoes before they leave the house so to speak.

It can do a world of good for your good name.  Don’t let those bumbling idiots get caught by a hero, or for heaven sakes worse the regular police.  No get them up past that point.  Let them be a menace to society, and then CRUSH THEM YOURSELF!  You would be surprise the good will that will get you.  See #2.

4.  Mentoring. If you take the time to mentor other villains you would be surprised what they will do for you.  A good mentor gives tools (for example articles to a book like A Method To The Madness: A Guide to The Super Evil) to help those under themselves.

If you are someone’s mentor you would be surprised what they might be willing to do for you.  Much more than running and getting you coffee, though that is always nice, but they will defend you, they will support you.  They might even take a bullet for you.  Sure your super armor most likely would have stopped it but really, why take that chance.  Besides Mentor are revered in the community, and if you don’t want to be hounded by the heros and the police every day you need to be thought highly of, at least until you are powerful enough that it no longer matters.  See #2 and #3.

Of course there is always the chance that the that this person you are mentoring will one day be a good successor.  See #1. And if you don’t want your sucessor to have to run around Rome scratching your name off monuments, you need to think of these things.

5.   Good Coffee. Really is there any better reason to anything than a good cup of coffee?  I am not saying that by writing an article that someone will bring you a good cup of coffee, but you never know.  Sometimes good advice can bring some surprise rewards.  You can even reward yourself for all of the above reasons with a good cup of coffee after you are done.

I sit here now finishing this looking over at my hot steaming mug and know it will be waiting for me.  Besides if you are nice to your underlings, those up and coming maybe they will invite you over to their house and give you a good cup of coffee, and you can learn where they keep their fresh roasted beans and break in later that night and steal them.  You are evil after all.

Or better yet after several up and coming villains have invited you over and served you their best, you will know who makes the best coffee, so that when you do take over, you know who to spare and put in your kitchen making your coffee.

So there you have five good reasons to write an article for The Mad Scientist Anthology.  Now, what are you waiting for?

I, your ever humble (and magnificent) editor, have been asked on several occasions what kind of articles we are looking for. Well, I don’t want to give too much away, but I do have some thoughts on topics that I know I struggled with when I was beginning to build my Evil Empire.

For example, many people talk about hiring/breeding/training/kidnapping/conscripting/shanghaiing minions. Excellent topics to be sure, but what about the under-the-cover topics that are rarely thought about? For example, what role would an HR Department play in any good villainous corporation? Are the rules the same as big business or do they deviate? What kind of benefits do minions, peons and henchmen require? What is competitive in today’s marketplace?

So many excellent opportunities for articles.

Then, there is that always vexing problem that I faced as a boy: where can any self-respecting evil genius get the necessary parts and plans to build that weather machine or particle beam? Can you get them from the Radio Shack down the street or are there special stores online that cater to the world-conquering wannabe?

What about an article addressing the conundrum of micro or zero-gravity? Are there logistical considerations to building a moon base or high-Earth orbit satellite base? What are reasonable types of power generation to power that death ray? Are powersuits and mechanical men worth the investment?

As you can see, there are many, MANY possible topics that should be covered in the handbook. Are you struggling for ideas? Maybe one of these will tweak an idea. Remember, you have just two months to go. Get your pencils sharpened and get something written.

Good luck!

But, that is exactly what will happen if you are late. Cause, we’ve got to be fair (yes, an odd concept for a villain, but honor among thieves and all that) to all those people who do meet the submission deadline.

Time flies when you are having fun, so STOP having fun and write something for us!

You have your orders. Good luck!

Super Villains and Mad Scientists are much the same. Prior to deciding to create the Mad Scientist Handbook (yes, I know that’s only the unofficial, working title), I rarely saw any evil doctors at all. The same was true for mad scientists or really any villains at all (super or otherwise).

Then, the submission period opened and I started seeing them everywhere. The Villain’s Corner on Twitter, Dr. Mercury, and even the Mad Monkey. They are everywhere!

It does my evil heart good to see so much talent out there.

Now, we just need the baddies to start sending articles and essays with their hard-won wisdom to educate the next generation of nemesis. Without that knowledge how can anyone hope to learn from the mistakes of the past, I ask you.

Keep on coming out of the woodwork and contribute. Think of the children.

A Method To the Madness: A Guide to the Super Evil will be a tongue-in-cheek anthology of short essays aimed to guide the up-and-coming mad scientist to success in a career of supervillainry.

A Method To the Madness: A Guide to the Super Evil is a for-love anthology, accepting submissions until May 31, 2012. The anthology is scheduled for release Spring 2013 in both print and digital formats, and will be available globally through online booksellers.

Guidelines for the anthology can be found at: http://madscientistanthology.wordpress.com/.

JAHite and I (mplested) were Tweeting back and forth being silly, when we somehow got onto the subject of taking over the world. For those of you who don’t know, JAHite and I are each other alter-ego’s on Twitter. We were in agreement that we could, in fact, use our 486-Beowolf cluster to accomplish said world-domination, but only if the actions didn’t happen to contradict our respective wive’s evening plans.

That got me thinking that there must be a set of rules for the would-be world dominator. I liked the idea so much I proposed that we should create said book with the help of all you other mad scientists, evil doctors and other super-villains.

That was the beginning. We continued to talk and plot (as a good mad scientist would) and now, we have a plan for, if not for world domination, at least to bring a book that will help all the next generations of dominators to draw inspiration from.

Thanks for coming by and please, send us your stories and how-to articles. Maybe you can help to train that new generation of villain.